Brad's Story
At 38 years old, I didn’t choose crystal methamphetamine. Crystal meth chose me. Ten years ago I discovered crystal meth by accident—it had been on the menu of recreational drugs for the night. One thing was for sure—there was nothing recreational about meth. I was at a friend’s birthday party, and did a line of cocaine, or what I thought was cocaine, and experienced the most intense burn that I had ever felt before. I didn’t know what it was or how it worked, but I knew that I had to do more. It was better than cocaine and I was awake for the next two days. From that point on I was in pursuit of the initial rush—the high that made me feel larger than life and better than I had ever felt before, at least that’s what I thought. First it was lines of meth, then smoking it and finally injecting it into my veins.
As a successful executive at a major corporation in a high level management position, I owned my own home and I was living the "good" life. For 10 years no one knew that I had a meth habit, and in the eyes of most people, I was able to maintain my existence as a functioning person. I was also diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). So for me, meth initially actually helped me to focus and be productive.
Until the first time I used meth, I never had an issue with excessive use of drugs or alcohol in my life, so I thought that I couldn’t be addicted to meth and I was certainly not the face of meth addiction—or was I?
I decided to leave my position at the major corporation for an executive position with a DOTCom start-up company in San Francisco. From there, I made my way to San Diego where I started my own business. During this time, I was in a serious relationship, and remember having problems within that relationship, which I now realize was primarily due to my addiction to meth. While I rationalized that meth made me extremely productive, the truth was that over time, my perspective changed completely. I was late for appointments; I was losing my relationship of eight years; losing my money; losing my condo; and losing my business. Everything seemed to snowball downhill at the same time. I lost most of my friends and I almost lost my freedom. If I continued on the same road, I surely would have ended up in prison or dead.
Nothing in my life was working for me, but it was everyone else’s fault, never mine. I denied what was happening to me. Meth became my new best friend, and I lived each day for my next fix. My life was spiraling out of control. I was on the verge of financial ruin and on a path of self destruction.
I hung out with a guy who was a gang member from one of the Mexican gangs operating in San Diego. We used meth together on a daily basis. I took advantage of San Diego’s anonymous needle exchange program, trading used needles for clean ones on a weekly basis. These are only a few examples of how my life was slipping through my fingers right before my eyes.
I finally became sick of myself and what I had become. I realized then that I had to remove myself from this madness. I packed up what possessions and personal items I had left and headed cross country to my parents’ home in Pennsylvania. My parents had no clue about my addiction, or so I thought. I played it off as depression, which was definitely my state of mind at the time, but definitely not the problem.
Could I be addicted to meth and was I really the face of meth addiction?
When I arrived home, I emailed a friend, who had done the PROMETA Treatment Program, to learn more about the program and his experience. I decided that the program would be the best hope for me to break meth’s grip. At the same time, my parents had hired an interventionist who told me that I needed to stick to the program or my parents would financially cut me off. Now more than ever, I had more motivation to get clean and stay clean.
When I chose the PROMETA Treatment Program, I knew that I could not beat my meth addiction alone. During my 10 years of meth addiction, I stopped using on my own only once for three weeks, but I always knew that I would use again. I finally admitted to my friend, who referred me to the program, that I couldn’t believe that I was a drug addict. I was living a normal productive life until age 38, yet I was asking myself what the hell happened to me.
After my first treatment in the PROMETA Treatment Program, I experienced a sense of well-being that I had not felt in a very long time. I felt like my eyes were opening for the first time and I could vividly see more in front of me and around me. I finally believed that there was salvation for me.
When I returned for my final medical treatments in the program, I noticed that my cravings were no longer noticeable and that I had the mental clarity to begin to understand the confusion in my life. It’s an amazing feeling to start the recovery process without cravings getting in the way.
For a time, meth allowed me to mask the pain, misery and confusion in my life. But the PROMETA Treatment Program helped me to really discover myself for the first time in my life and to really be present in my counseling sessions. The PROMETA Treatment Program did not eradicate my demons, but it allowed me to understand that I had the ability to deal with my issues. I could not imagine using meth again, or any drug for that matter, because I have my life, and am living truth for the first time.
When I did the PROMETA Treatment Program I didn’t have anything else to lose. Thanks to the program, I now know that I have everything to gain. There was another life out there for me. I just needed to want it bad enough to take the first step towards the hope of recovery and my new life.
Brad
Phoenix, AZ
